The idea that our first contact with alien life forms ended up with us killing it and not even noticing it makes me fucking laugh so hard I think I broke a rib. What better omen for the future of space exploration than one species killing another species from a whole different planet without even noticing it?
I'm serious. It’s damn important that our first war against outer space is a complete victory. If not, how could we hope to enslave and capture the whole galaxy?
Even more. Just to amuse myself I would like to think that these potential samples of alien bacteria had some sentiency and intelligence, and some form of communication with their peers. Because I would like to imagine a group of bacteria wriggling in excitement and commenting how the arrival of the big alien spaceship means the end of all their problems. Looking expectantly as the ship approaches them, surely so they can be taught the secrets of the universe and the cure of all illnesses.
I would like to think that these little alien microbes sent a telepathic distress signal in their final moments: "Here they come! A door to the ship is opening! At long last, we will know the... OH THE PAIN! OH THE INCREDIBLE PAIN! IT IS DROWNING US AND BURNING US! DROWNING AND BURNING US! IT IS A DEATH MACHINE! THE ALIENS SEEK OUR DESTRUCTION! HIDE! HIDE FROM THEIR COLLOSAL SHIPS FOR THEY CARRY ONLY DEATH! HIDE FROM THEM UNTILL YOU CAN FIND A WAY TO FIGHT BACK! AVENGE MARS! AVENGE..."
Not that I will actually pick a side on this or participate... But if I had, I would go with the guy that did NOT send pictures of his penis to a minor. That's something that kinda screws with a man's image, you know.
How I will spend my weekend. We had to fire one of the farmhands so, this whole weekend (and part of next week) I'll be stuck with the job of making sure he doesn't come back on the middle of the night to steal horse riding equipment (Quite expensive and sells well even second-hand). Can you guess WHY he was fired? For stealing stuff.
Better make the best I can of the situation. Computer, meet new pile of books. New pile of books, meet bottle of beer. Bottle of beer, meet Belinda Luger. Belinda Luger, you share storage space with A. Winchester so no presentations are needed.
Ladies and gentlemen... ...if you don't find this insult funny, you have no fucking soul or appreciation for the great art of the verbal bitchslap.
And before you wonder about it. The person being insulted deserved it. Trust me on this one. www.poe-news.com/forums/sp.php?pi=1001363617
I'll edit this with the proper linking code possibly tomorrow, I'm too tired to remember how.
Also, I can't believe Amazon doesn't sell an english version of "The Caesar's Druid" by Claude Cueni. It's one of the funniest books I have read. There's a certain charm similar to Douglas Adams in the style and humor. If anybody reading this knows Spanish, at the very least try reading the spanish version "El Druida del Cesar".
It's so fucking funny and charming that if I get bored, and I have nothing better to do, I may star making a fucking english translation myself.
What follows is nothing but a rant written during the frequent load screens for my recently acquired copy of “DeadRising”. And following that confession of enjoyment of geeky entertainment, it’s only fair that I follow it with a recommendation for a comic book.
I don’t read many comics these days mostly because of the fact that they are hard to find in this city (The only halfway-stable comic shop is dwelled by unpleasant and filthy fat kids and the managers are typical comic book snobs). The fact that the geek fandoms are full of overly-obsessed man-children doesn’t help me regain the appeal comic books had in my youth. Sure, when I’m overseas and I get the chance to find them at a nice price, I buy small bulks of a series I like (Like Hellboy), and I occasionally download whatever comic I’m recommended. But I’m in no way what you would call an avid reader of comic books.
So, I reserve my opinions in most things regarding the discussion of recent comic books. However, not so long ago I downloaded a comic that could be considered old news by many but that I feel should be recommended as much as possible. “LEX LUTHOR: Man of Steel”.
Now, I don’t want to spoil the story, so I’ll just give a quick rundown of the reasons why I feel this little comic is a must-read, and the best story regarding the chracters of Superman and Luthor that I think has ever been made into a comic.
I never liked the character of Superman. Sure I enjoyed some of the stories as a child (I am a big fan of the oldest Superman cartoons for the animation and style), but there was always something odd about the character that always prevented me from feeling too much empathy towards him. I always enjoyed Batman more, even the silly Adam West version, finally deciding that he was my favorite superhero when I first watched Tim Burton’s Batman movies.
In to my early teenage years I was finally able to pinpoint just why I couldn’t quite like the character of Superman; I realized just what made me so uneasy about him. I saw the cover of one of the many stories in which Superman goes nutso and tries to rule the whole world and my mind just clicked on the reason. My train of thought was more or less this: “He is not like us. He protects humanity, but he did nothing to gain his power. How reliable can a man be, how human, if everything he is was handed to him by birthright? By watching us, by protecting us with his alien powers, isn’t he preventing us from learning from our tragedies? Doesn’t his interference, as an iconic and undefeatable creature, in human conflict mean that we can’t How can there be any sort of revolution for humanity to change the current social order when the system is supported by a foe that cannot be defeated? How can morality, ethics, and the human way of life change when we and our current way of life are protected by him? Oh, Man, Batgirl sure has a nice butt. Batman is totally banging that.” I did warn you that this occurred to me during my early teens.
Since then many stories have handled the concept of superhumanity interfering in human affairs. And since then I have always been wary of any Superhero that did nothing to gain his powers and that was never human to begin with. I don’t watch many cartoons, I am not that much of a sad geek, but I was a fan of the Justice League cartoons. They were not as good as the original Batman: TheAnimatedSeries, but they were very entertaining. And the last seasons of JLU dealt precisely with these kinds of humanity versus superhumanity problems, just to mention a recent example of a superhero story dealing with the moral dilemmas of having non-human superheros aiding humanity.
But I’m losing the point. The reason I recommend to any geek or non geek the short series of “LEX LUTHOR: Man of steel” is because it gives a good and somewhat benign depth to the motivations of Lex Luthor for fighting Superman. It steers away from the repeatedly used motivation of lust for power and focuses non on LexLuthor as a greedy and mischievous bastard, but as visionary idealist. It gives Lex Luthor a real personality that isn’t just ruled by blind lust for superblood and the desire to control everything. It is the best comic to handle the treat to humanity of sharing a world with inhuman superheroes than I have ever read.
Plus, it has LexLuthor cooperating with some other major superhero. If that little tidbit of information doesn’t make you curious, then… well, just screw you. Read the comic, it’s good.
Furthermore… I’ll have to post this rant as it is, I just found the wonders of the Lawnmower in DeadRising.
I've been trough the desert on a horse with no name. I've been through the desert on a horse with no name It felt good to be out of the rain In the desert, you can't remember your name 'cause there ain't noone for to give you no pain.
Actually, the name of the horse was Monk, and I wasn’t alone. If I had, an idiot wouldn’t have been one misfired synapse away from blowing my brains out. But you catch my drift. I’ll say more of my recent camping trip later.
First, Welcome! Welcome… Whoever the fuck you are. Chances are, that you came here after: A) I posted something you enjoyed in some other LJ and you want to know more about me because you believe we share the same sense of humor and/or interests. Or, and this one is more likely: B) I posted something that infuriated you and you followed me back here either by invitation or by your own will to continue our argument where it won’t spoil somebody else’s LiveJournal. In that case you may be reading past entries of my livejournal, if I really write more than a couple of entries in this thing, looking for a weakness you can exploit in our argument. I salute you for your initiative to research more on your enemy. Also… Hahah! Screw you! I was BORN with a natural paranoia to sharing too much personal information with strangers when it is not a private conversation between me and one other single individual. You will find nothing to use against me here.
To be sincere, I had been actively avoiding LiveJournals because of the large quantities of maladjusted angst-ridden teens and disturbing subcultures that use them But, I just started my vacations and I have the time to give this a shot when the winter weather locks me in my own home or when my legs bother me to much to feel like going out. I had been posting in somebody else’s Livejournal under an anonymous permission, but I feel I have overstayed my welcome in my enthusiasm to interact with the LiveJournal community. Huh… I need to make an apology about that. See here, this thing can be useful for something, a reminder of things I have to do. I had a small solid pocket notebook to do that, but it was destroyed by sea water when I forgot to take it out of my pocket. Anyway, time to give this pest-infested… Errr… adorable LiveJournal community a chance.
And now, back to my camping story. For the sake of protecting the identities of my friends, I’ll use pseudonyms. How about: Cow, LSDFerret and Chicken.
Me and some of my friends decided to make an impromptu camping trip to the desert to celebrate our vacations by getting drunk, getting some shooting lessons from me, and trying to find peyote. Before you jump to any conclusions, I wanted the peyote to prepare an old ointment that works as a topical anesthetic for muscular and joint pains… With the occasional side effects of causing hallucinations and/or stopping the heart. By the way, we never found the peyote but I did find a pretty nice ammonite fossil and Chicken found a solid cactus with 3-inches-long pricks with his foot.
As transportation, and for fun, we towed two horses and two quadbikes. I have to recognize that my friends’ quadbikes are quite fun in the desert, but my decision to bring one of my horses paid off when the quadbikes’ ran out of fuel before dusk. All you need to refuel a horse is a large bottle of water and some greenish desert plants. Plus, there’s no better uphill traction in a rocky surface than four-legged traction.
But, if you are reading this, you are probably waiting just to hear how I was almost shot by an idiot. Well, it was pretty simple. My friends wanted to try their skills shooting with a small firearm (There was no way I was letting them borrow my Kalashnikov) so I brought along a XD Pistol from Springfield Armory. Now, for those not familiar with Springfield Amory, they try to make their pistols idiot-proof. They have enough safety features to prevent all but the most unusual misfiring accidents if you are smart enough to know how to disengage the multiple safeties and know how to read the loaded and ready indicators. Of course I didn’t just hand over the gun. I was very careful when explaining the gun operation and all the basics for safe shooting… This may have been too much for LSDFerret.
You see, LSDFerret is not a bad guy, I just suspect he has ADD and the impulse control of a ferret loaded with LSD. The guy is a hard worker and a perfectionist. But if you tell him to, as a fictional example, assemble an internal combustion engine but you don’t explain to him how an internal combustion engine works, he will assemble it with the pieces put backwards or with no carburetor. So, even under the treat of physical pain from my part, I suspect he wasn’t putting too much attention when I explained the whole concept of “Even if the magazine is empty, there’s still one round in the chamber. Here’s how you can check if it’s empty”.
Cow and Chicken had their turn first. Cow wasn’t too bad, even if he tried to go for a more “cool” style and shoot the pistol sideways. Chicken was more focused and actually aimed the thing… But then, came the time to reload the magazine and for LSDFerret to handle it. The magazine was empty, both I and Chicken had been counting the rounds he fired during his turn, but there was still one in the chamber. I knew this, and I said it out loud as I sat down to reload the magazine… But I believe LSDFerret wasn’t paying attention when I explained the concept of “Loaded chamber”.
So, I carefully set the pistol next to me on the rock and bend over to grab the box of ammo and as I begin to straighten up I got a very special feeling. My gun sense tingling and telling me: “Holy fuck. There’s an idiot aiming my own pistol at my head, isn’t there? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK”. And sure enough, I look sideways and there’s LSDFerret with a big shit-eating grin pointing the gun at my head and saying “You money or your life!” like a 5-year old playing with a dart gun.
I would like to confirm the impression my friends had of me being totally cold blooded when faced with the most dangerous side of a 9mm boom stick, but my stoicism was actually shock. Shock because I could see he had a pretty good grip of the gun that disabled the safety locks, and I knew that if I surprised him by telling him it was loaded he could get scared and pull the damn trigger. Every experience in life teaches us something. Sadly, this experience tried to teach me something I already knew: That a careless idiot could very well kill me under the appropriate circumstances.
So, to conclude the story, I convinced him to point the gun down and give it to me without telling him that it was loaded. Then, once the gun was back in my hands, I did tell him that there was still one round in the chamber… and punched him in the stomach so hard he had dry heaves.
With that settled the rest of the day was spent in drunken stupor and amiable talks about women, guns, ghosts, aliens, cars, astrophysical gates into other dimensions and the concept of a martyr.
We did plan to make this a 2 night camping trip, we had enough food and equipment to last us that time. But we decided to head back after emptied all the bottles of alcohol. And, honestly, I like my friends, but I things would have ended bloody if we had to tolerate each other’s presence for more than a day without the aid of alcohol… Oh, yeah. And Chicken’s infected foot was actually a good reason to go back to town too.
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